A Bleeding South Africa

This week turned out the be an extremely sad one for our fellow South Africans.

We all said goodbye to a woman most – if not all – of us had never had the privilege of meeting. 706x410q70rebecca on missed storiesJayde Panayiotou was taken from the world by a forceful evil that plagues our country.

I did not know her. Yet this feels like a personal loss for me. As soon as my mother phoned me I could hear in her voice it was not good news, and she told me that they had found her body.

I want to take a moment and tell everyone taking the time reading this, that in this country where we live in, I knew this would not have a happy ending. Because it never has in the past.

How sad is that?

The fact of the matter is that our part of Africa is clouded with greed, hate, violence and worst of all it is covered in a thick veil of all our silences. No one speaks out, and those who have tried were shoved under the thick “Rainbow Nation” rug, the stories of our reality never gets published because of reasons that I would never, ever even begin to understand.

I find the fact disgusting that these animals believe they have the right to our lives, our bodies and worst of all our innocence. This complex of I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, to whom ever I want is getting redundant and more so it is getting to be accepted by us. How many has it been now? How many more?

Africa Violent 2014

But that is all the attention I will give to that disgusting, vile piece of rubbish. You will get yours one way or the other and in that fact I take deep pleasure, and when you finally die and lay down your head, you will get an eternity of it as you are burned with all the fear and pain and death that you yourself caused.

To all the people in power who happens to come across this I ask you one thing; if Jayde had been your sister, daughter, granddaughter or niece would you stand back idly, as you are doing right now? Would you let this go on without a fight?

Or is it that you take comfort in the fact that you and your loved ones are safely protected by armed guards, your high fences and large houses? Why should you worry, right? You are safe. But what about your people?

As our leaders, as the people who most of the people of South Africa chose to be in charge, you should be doing everything to protect us. But instead you sit back, rub your belly and smile because if it does not directly affect you or your own, then it is not your problem?

Have you seen Barack Obama’s statement when all those children were shot and killed? How he mourned.

Or when Hollywood made that movie about assassinating the Korean President how the WHOLE country stood together in disgust because it offended them to their core.

I wonder what Nelson Mandela would say if he knew of this, after everything that that man went through to get this country the freedom it deserves, that it was all for nothing. The poor man is probably rolling over in his grave as we speak because all of you are doing NOTHING to help the people who need you. If you’d rather sit back with your riches that is fine, please take it and relax, but at least give this responsibility to someone else who is willing fulfill the promise you made to this country. Let someone else keep that promise if you won’t.

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We are a nation crying out to be saved, our hands are in the air begging to be pulled out from the muck that we are drowning in, but we keep sinking. Who is going to save us?? Because if not our leaders then this country is for sure doomed.

Whatever happened to being one nation? The rainbow nation everyone so proudly shouted from the roof tops? What happened to that dream that you continually shoved down our throats year after year, or was that just because we needed to look good for the rest of the world that one time when they came here to play soccer?

That’s pretty pathetic.

Jayde Panayiotou DESERVES justice. Her life was TAKEN, ripped apart by monsters who believe they are above the law, above you and shockingly enough above God.

How many more women are going to have to be abducted, tortured, raped and murdered before you decide to stand up?

How many more of our guests in this country are going to be killed in broad daylight before you step in and say enough.

The best of all is their faces were caught on camera, a quick facial recognition and they could be identified, arrested and put into a cage where they belong, yet they still walk free?

You are NOT their friend for allowing this, you are their floor mat and you are just showing the world that you are weak. That your own people think so little of you that they’d break YOUR LAWS, the one’s YOU created, in broad daylight, ON CAMERA for the rest of the world to see.The rest of the world is laughing at South Africa. They are calling us “savage animals that needs to be put out” so what are we going to do? Kill and rape the rest of the world? Because that seems to be the only solution we’ve got.

I shake my head in sadness for what this beautiful country of ours has turned into and I hope and I pray that some of the other countries will take pity on the innocent and begin to step in. Because if they don’t, and soon,  I fear for what is to come.

To Jayde’s family, nothing in this world I can ever say or do will console you in this time. I pray to God that you will at least find comfort in knowing that so many people have felt the loss of her. That her light brought so many people together, that for once we worked as a team and stood together even though the result was a sad one.

Not one single person in this country has managed to do that yet and that shows me that there just still might be hope for us.

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Have you been friend zoned?? Find out here!

Have you been friend zoned?? Find out here!

For some strange reason I started thinking about all those people stuck in the friend zone and how awful it must be to be really into someone and have them not feel the same way.

Although to be perfectly honest I strongly dislike the term “friend zone.” The reason for this is, is because it’s a stupid sentiment. If you are pining for someone, whom you know is not sexually attracted to you why are you wasting your time?

According to Google in 2013, there are 7.125 BILLION people on this earth, sure since then some have come and gone but seriously? You are probably wasting a good six months of your life for one person. No my friend, just no.

However if you are some of those… unsure few (I said that to be nice) here are some things that will help you… understand. (Sigh)

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     Number one:

This person speaks to you every single day, out of their own and basically about bullshit.

Let me tell you this, unless this person is actively telling you to get on their junk, then this means absolutely nothing. They are probably bored, and use to you always being there to keep them company. Really think about it… would you actively seek out someone’s attention like this if you were interested, or does the words “clingy stalker” come to mind?

 I’ll just let that sink in for a minute…

 Number two:

This person constantly tells you how either a) they are still hung up on their ex, b) this other person is so completely hot or c) telling you about the mind blowing sex they had earlier.

 Yea… if this one isn’t a clue I honestly don’t know what else could be.

 Number three:

They are super cuddly when you two are alone, always asking for hugs, neck massages, tickles, sometimes even spooning but it is never, ever romantic or in anyway leading to something else, and when you are in public they never touch you for more then a hello and goodbye hug.

This just goes to show you that they are down for snuggles with you, but not in public because that would give off the wrong impression to someone that they actually are interested in.

 Number four:

This one is pretty self explanatory; they call you “a good friend” or the allusive “brother/sister from another mother/mister).

 That literally means you’re like blood family, and unless they ever admitted to you incest is not so bad I don’t see it going anywhere.

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 Number five: 

They are constantly telling you how they wish they could meet someone as amazing and understanding as you.

Basically they want all of your qualities, they just don’t want you. This one hurts; it’s not nice to hear how you’d be perfect for someone else.

So if these few thingies don’t make you realize that you are balls deep in the friend zone I honestly don’t know what will.

But I do have a bonus paragraph.

Are you tired of being in the friend zone but don’t know what to do.

Listen.

You are there because you put yourself there so stop blaming the other person. Had you been honest since the get-go about how you felt, they would not have had the opportunity to put you there and you never would have “bonded” the way you did in the first place.

Get off your ass. Go to them. Tell them.

Now, I get that you’re scared that it might wreck the friendship but if you’re really honest isn’t this friendship built on a whole mess of lies anyway? Since, you know, you secretly love them and whatnot?

Be honest. If you two really mean that much to each other then what’s to worry about. But you just need to realize that you’re worth more then this torture, it’s not fair to the other person and it’s definitely not fair to you, besides if you spent half the time on someone else – who actually likes you back –  as you do with this person you could’ve had a very different situation right now!

Bah Ram You, Bah Ram Who?

They say that imitation is the biggest form of flattery, and as a victim of this myself, I can’t help but wonder where we all went wrong.

Individualism is something that is highly praised. But it’s not individualism if you and a whole other group of people are doing the exact same thing to broadcast it.

I find that people have turned into sheep; we all ban together in small groups and imitate what the other does. You bah, I bah. You scurry off somewhere, I follow. You record yourself playing a game where you stab a knife between your fingers for fun singing: “the knife goes chop, chop, chop, and if I lose a finger I will have a stump” and I do exactly the same thing, only when I do it my hand eye coordination is not as good as yours and I actually do end up with a stumped finger. How insane is that?

We no longer think for ourselves, use our own thoughts, and make new ideas because everything is basically already there for your convenience.

Are you sad because your boyfriend cheated on you? Don’t wallow in your own thoughts, go on to google, or tumblr or pinterest and look for a quote that describes “sort of” how you feel and post it as your own.

Want people to think you have a funny sense of humour but don’t know a single joke, google it; there will be all sorts of funny meme’s that will make people think you are hilarious.

Want to show your ex he doesn’t bother you anymore? Post a lot of meme’s and quotes about freedom; don’t bother with actually going out and freeing yourself.

See what I mean?

Everything is also so aggressive when it comes to being who you are and saying how you feel. If I, hypothetically, turned out to be gay and some people don’t understand or appreciate my openness then those people are alienated from my life because they are judging me. But in reality, if you really think about it, isn’t that judgment in itself too?

Why is one free to have an opinion but if someone had one against yours they are automatically the enemy. Why does one religion have the right to call another false? Why is one race allowed to be proud but the other is seen as racist if they honour themselves in exact the same form?

So many honest questions that will probably get scrutinized for being uttered. And I get it.

Throughout history, the way the world responded to change or difference was to flush it out. If you were black you were enslaved, if you were gay you were tortured and exiled and sometimes killed, if a woman was raped then she would be labelled as a whore and shunned by her family even though it was not her fault.

What is that old saying? Fight fire with fire.

But that never works out though, does it?

We as a race (the human one) needs to come together, differences and all, and understand that life is more than being different and giving the finger to those who aren’t the same as you. That is the whole concept of individualism, there should be only one of its kind.

We need to stop copying, stop trying to be like someone else, stop making what we are into who we are. Your are not Gay Tom. You are Tom, who happens to be gay. Understand what I am saying?

There are so many wonderful people out there, each and every one of them has their own unique, amazing story. So why I ask if we all are so wonderfully unique, would you want to be anything other then just you?

Boys’ guide to understanding girls

I know that throughout history women are labelled as the “complicated sex” because apparently having an opinion and a vagina makes you full of shit emotional psychopath.

But let’s not go there right now… this is supposed to be helpful!

So because I hear on a daily basis how men never understand us and find us soooo confusing I have decided to even the playing field and give the poor bastards some tips.

Tip number one:

Food.

It can either be your biggest enemy or your BFF for life when it comes to women. Now, the reason I say this is because food can be a touchy subject. Almost (see I said almost) all women have some kind of insecurity, and even if we look like freaking Megan Fox in 2009 we still think of ourselves sometimes as… not so appealing.

So offering us food is a definite way to a woman’s love and affection but offering it in the wrong way, sentence structure, facial expression,  breathing and/or general concern (which we will ignore, just so you know) will send us off into a pit of wallowing despair forcing you to tell us whether our asses look fat in these jeans for the next 72 hours.

Tip number two:

 I know what a period is. You Sir, have not one single clue as to what a period is, so please do not, under any circumstances ask/imply/joke/or any form of sarcasm about our having a period. You will die. A very slow very painful death. You should know better by now silly!

Don’t ever ask us if we want chocolate okay, because that just messes with tip number one and we will automatically think you think we’re fat because we have our period and we feel yukie and bloated so just no. All you need to do is put a hot water bottle and a box of chocolates on the counter/bed or where ever we are at that moment, keep it at a safe distance and do not make eye contact, just go away silently.  Leave us in peace until we come to you, which we will by the way. So ready yourself.

 Tip number three:

Family means everything to us. Sure we’d ignore them in the beginning of our relationship but please take note as soon as you start to “act” like we are a proper couple the family will be involved in every little thing we ever do or say or decide. So if you really care about the girl, then you’re ganna have to suck it up and deal with it like a big boy, kay?

One thing that’s even more important to us then our families loving you, is your family loving us. Never withhold that information (that you’re dating a girl, duh) from your family. She will find out. Nothing hurts a girl more then knowing he hasn’t shared her with the most important people in his life. True story.

 Tip number four:

I understand we have a lot of emotions to deal with sometimes. I get it. It can be crazy. I sometimes get scared of the things going on in my own head so it is understandable. But you need to understand that if we like you, like really like you, we need to know that you feel the same way about us. I wouldn’t use the word “constantly” but definitely “more than once.”

It’s not about us needing the attention or some vain reason most guys think, it’s not about being clingy or needy or any of those hurtful stereotypes, but about us wanting the reassurance that the person we are trusting with our hearts, don’t end up breaking them like the last one did. When a guy hurts a girl we carry that for the longest time, not because we are still caught up on them or can’t get over them but because the betrayal of someone you cared deeply for sucks. Sometimes we get scared. So shut your trap and say I miss you.

Tip number five:

I get most guys have intimacy issues. I get most guys don’t have it in them yet to be a man and to take responsibility for the feelings that he awakens in a woman. And honestly that is just fine. You do you buddy, everyone deserves to be true to themselves and given the opportunity to find what makes them truly happy.

But for goodness sake, if you know in your heart that you are not ready and that you cannot handle that kind of pressure yet: do not make her fall.

There is nothing more pathetic to a women then a man who awakens their love but does not intend to return it. It’s like winning the Lotto but SARS says you can keep only a R1000.00 of your R150mil winnings, because of a really really stupid reason and you can’t do jack squat. Get it?

If you are seeing a girl, make sure she understands that what you are feeling is what you are feeling. Because once you say to a girl “I want you” she will believe you. So please be prepared to back up what you say.

Don’t be the empty promises guy. You’re better than that.

So yes we are bat shit crazy sometimes, and some of the DSTV ads are just impossible not to cry at, and we hate every other woman on earth that get close to you, but we also have good, caring nurturing, loving sides. So next time when you’re with a girl and wondering where you’d stand with her try this: think of the day your baby girl gets born, so small and so delicate, you watch her grow and learn and laugh and one day she tells you she’d met a boy. A boy who is exactly like you are.

And then ask yourself… am I capable of getting away with murder?

So hopefully this gave you some insight on how to understand the women in your life, if not then well good luck my friend.

Point one… four point back?

Judgement… an action both hated and loved by the worlds populous.

What is it about judging someone or something that makes one feel so, well, better?

I realise this is a touchy subject and most people might not agree with my view on this but even though we know we aren’t supposed to do it, and hate it when someone does it to us, we love to judge.

Take this for example, we aren’t taught to judge a certain someone for a certain something, but through the millions of different influences of the world we often find ourselves judging someone for something they either did or said and when we do, we get criticized because we hear “it’s bad, don’t do that!”  and in return for our judgment we get judged for judging.

Am I making any sense?

Being open minded in this day and age is a well celebrated, well organized machine. “Stop being so backwards and open your mind.” I hear many people say, not only to me, but to everyone around me.

Things like free and open sex for women just as it is for men, bondage, gay, straight, all the different kinds of sexual’s, then we reach religion, body values, tattoo’s, lifestyle choices such as vegetarian, pescetarian, vegan etc etc the list goes on and on and on. Things that were once taboo or different are now… ordinary.
Things that were once wildly judged is now openly accepted.

But, I wonder, what of the people that do still judge those things, are they not being judge for judging?

What if judgment didn’t turn out to be so bad?

What if it was seen as not something that you instantaneously decide, but your gut giving you a warning before you even notice it. So if you decide that something or in most cases someone is not for you, is it really fair to yourself to say “Shit, maybe I’m being too judgemental?” and give it a shot or just accept what your inner self is saying to you and move on to the next thing?

Still, I find myself thinking that there is a fine line between having a judgemental thought and being a judgemental person.

Although in the grand scheme of it all, we should ask ourselves, are we judging judgment too quickly?