Things That Freak Me out

Most humans of the modern world are raised the same. In this I mean certain social rules of conduct are applied from parent to child, parent to child and so on and so forth. It’s how we’ve lived all these many, many years.

demotivation-posters-auto-253053

But as I grow older and the world grows bolder I am starting to see some of those “passed down rules” being ignored and some even blatantly challenged.

Don’t get me wrong I do get the appeal of being a free thinker and making my own way as I go along but some of these things are just… weird.

Just a disclaimer this is my personal opinion and should in no way be taken seriously as I do like to make fun of everything so… chill.

Movies

 scary-movie Funny-Humor-2014-Horror-Movie-Logic

I find it surprising how many, many, MANY movie companies out there are making devilish movies. The Devil’s this and Lucifer’s that, demons this and exorcism of whomever. And the worst of all is that they are not even good movies. The screen writers basically sat there with a book titled “1001 Horror Movie Clichés” and used them all. Every. Single. One.

Walk around a corner and jump scare. Open a door, jump scare. Oh those walls are dripping “Die bitch die” in blood? Wow. Let me guess… they’re going to have sex and then one of them is going to be possessed by a demon and kill the other? Yep, thought so. Ahhh, you though summoning the devil himself is just a silly game, well jokes on you whore.

Seriously, are there no more original scary ideas? It’s either super bad CGI or furniture moves by themselves. And this freaks me out because it is so boring. The whole reason for the horror movie genre is so that people can pee themselves and not sleep for the next three weeks, not me narrating in my head like the guy from Cinema Sins on Youtube.

And don’t even get me started on product placement yet again thanks to Cinema Sins every time I see a coke or Pepsi can I hear the dude say “Well I guess we know who sponsored this scene”.  Damn you!

The Female Gender

Even though I am a girl myself I honestly don’t get our gender at all. Like seriously. At all.

013

You want equal rights as a man? You want the same jobs, the same pay and the same respect as a man? Sure you go girl.

But why are you getting angry when he doesn’t pay the whole bill? Or why are you whining about finding your knight in shining armor when just last week you went to a protest stating you don’t need a man to do shit because men and women are equal?

Ohhh… I see, you want to be a feminist in all other aspects of your life except when you’re horny. Smells like some double standards me thinks.

And body image. Good Shakespeare I do not understand body images. How is it possible that just yesterday you were complaining how fat you’re where but today you are the next friggin top model? Hormones are sick sons of bitches that Mother Nature plays on us and I am getting sick of it.  AM I happy? Am I sad? Do I want chocolate or just to jump your bones? Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?!

Or the fact that a girl can spend an hour doing a full face of make up but then not do her eyebrows. I’m sorry did you want to look like you have none? Because shaving them off would look a lot better then the faint white babies hairs you got going on ‘cause you decided to rub foundation all over them too.

No! Just no.

Identical Twins

First off, they look EXACTLY the same. That’s already bad, but then you go and dress exactly the same as well? Tell me something, just how exactly, am I supposed to differentiate you as an individual is you insist on dressing exactly the same and pretending to be the other person just to freak me out?

c9e548ff179f525c386d73db34455c11

Secondly, are you really twins – do twins even really exists – or did the government decide to release a deadly toxin in the air that makes people go all loopy but they don’t know it because it happens really slowly over a span of your lifetime but one of the side effects are like really vivid double vision? Huh? How should I know I’m just an innocent by stander in all of this?

3134066eb48277472d0751557157800a

It just baffles me that there are two where there should just be one. Baffles me I say!

Ellie Goulding

 ellie-goulding-heavy-crown

Yea…that wasn’t a mistake.

Ellie Goulding the person doesn’t freak me out as much as the feelings she stirs inside me every time I see her stunning face or hear her silky voice and that… makes me… really confused which in turns freaks me out.

She is just… physically perfect… in every way, shape or form that is humanly possible and it just… confuses me.

Her hair is so… blonde.

People who don’t instantly go insane and kill spiders.

 cd354b8c870cce0165eb4438df37958d

I’m sorry but if you want to be in my life, be my friend, boyfriend, blood relation, whatever and you do not instantly go Jackie Chan on a spider’s ass I have to question our relationship.

I do not care if it is the size of a coin or my face, it must die.

Especially if it’s the size of my face.

We can just burn the house it’s fine.

I remember watching the movie “Seeking a Friend for the End of The World” and Steve Carells character wanted to kill a spider that was in his bathroom but decided he won’t because the world was going to die like anytime soon. And then the next day that idiot woke up with a spider bite on his face the size of mount doom!!

funny-pictures-spider-toilet

What kind of foolishness???

So there you have it, just a few pieces of knowledge on why I might end up in a mental institution and become famous for it. Because that is apparently how stuff happens in the gilts and glam world it would seem.

Stay weird people!

Advertisements

Types Of: Angry People

Anger is a very common emotion felt by everyone in their lives. Sometimes it happens maybe once or twice a month for other people it could be once of twice a day. It all depends on who you are as a person and how you handle strong emotions.

download

But let’s face it, when someone is angry, it’s super funny. The way they struggle and stutter, I find it hilarious. So I’ve decided to compile a list of the different types of angry people I have come across in my life span and of course my wacky interpretation of them.

Le’go!

Angry type person number one!

The Shortage

This type of person is just insanely funny to me. And I have on several occasions laughed in this persons face, upfront, when they tried to be angry with me – sometimes not so smart.

When this person gets angry it’d like their body has no idea how handle this emotion so a wire or sometime snaps loose inside their brains and they just start twitching uncontrollably. This is mostly a muscle in the face like they eyelid or the corner or their mouths, maybe their neck starts to twitch and by then I just lose my shit and start laughing like a mad person.

Laughing at them can go both ways, sometimes seeing me laugh makes them laugh and they calm down and forget why they were angry and sometimes it makes them even more angry which makes them twitch even more which makes me almost pee my pants.

It’s a vicious cycle this one.

Angry type person number two!

The Disappointed Teacher

 

This type of angry person is a real buzz kill. In my opinion if I am in a fight with someone I’d at least like to be able to joke about it in my mind, but this person makes it impossible because they shame you so bad you feel like a naughty child who has been told to go stand in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

That is no fun.

If we are going to be fighting I’d prefer if we do it one of three ways, screaming, crying/laughing or bikini clad and drenched in oil (sorry, I’ve been told this blog is too girly and the boys needed something. Aaaaand you’re welcome.)

when-you-get-so-angry-that

Angry type person number three!

The Not so Incredible Hulk

This person is about as intimidating as my yorkie is big and scary. But just like my yorkie he or she believes they are this incredibly scary monster of mass human destruction that will obliterate me from existence with just…one…look.

No. Just no.

You are a little flat faced kitten dressed in a hello kitty outfit eating Nuttella from a spork, my friend.  And that way you shall remain!

Angry type person number four!

The Bipolar/Scitzo – Holy shit I might die right now

  This person is super intimidating. They might not look it, they might not sound like it but when they are mad at you, you suddenly fear for your life. They don’t scream – much, they tend to remain fairly even toned, at first. Then suddenly they break out and you nearly shit yourself because for the moment you thought they were handling it quite well but then suddenly they lose their freaking minds!

One moment they give you the God Father speech right before someone “sleeps with the fishes” and the next moment they tell you how much they love you and how your actions/behaviors disappoints them beyond words and they won’t stand for it.

Run. Run as fast as your legs and carry you!

 

Angry type person number Five!

The Hold me Back! Hold me Back! Will Someone Please Hold Me Back?!

 

 This person really wants to be intimidating when they’re angry, they do, they really, really do. But… they’re not. The fact that they try to be this kind of person is honestly just pathetic and so irritating because asking your friends to hold you back just seems cowardly.

Like, if you want to act all tough and imply that ass is going to be kicked then you better be prepared to kick some ass or you just seem and probably are a little bitch.

I mean come on! Grow a pair and rub some dirt on it or something.

Angry type person number Six!

The Ugly Cry Face

  Bless this person’s heart but they cannot deal with the emotion that is anger. This person (me) hates conflict and will do whatever it takes to avoid it. They’d be more then willing (me) to literally hide from it. But as life sometimes would have it, you just aren’t able to hide from some things and you have to face it which brings me to the ugly cry face you (me) make during the whole fight.

You aren’t necessarily crying to be exact but the different emotions just kind of like contort your face into this weird crying and/or screaming position which doesn’t go away and makes you look like you just took the most painful dump in the history of most painful dumps ever. Ever. (Me).

413ab194b90d4584c909a88172a3408c

 Angry type person number Seven!

The Sarcastic Commentator

This person deserves a visit from the (he Bipolar/Scitzo – Holy shit I might die right now) angry person because their behavior is just not acceptable.

Instead of being a regular person and either telling or yelling that they are made this person decides to keep that information for themselves and just undermine every single little thing that you do and bad mouth you to everyone on the face of the planet.

That, Sir or Madam, is not cool! Nobody likes this kind of person so do not be them. It just takes that much longer to resolve the situation and you are making it massively uncomfortable for everyone involved and all of the random people you are randomly involving so shut your face and come clean on why you are angry.

Nobody likes a sleazy two faced person so stop it!

Close up of angry man with steam coming out from his ears

So there you have it, a couple of different types of angry people we all meet and most of us are! Hope this tickled a funny bone and made this Monday not so blue.

Stay weird people!

Types of: Annoying Couples

Going off my Types of Single people I thought it be only fair to not forsake my joint at the hip friends taking part in the socially expectable forsaking of ones individual identify for a joint identity.

Okay so I may be over exaggerating but know there are many people who can agree that some couples are honestly just the worst…. for single people.

Let’s get to it!

Olivia_Palermo__Johannes_Huebl10

  Annoying type couple number one!

The conjoined twins!

 This is very self explanatory. They are always together. Always. Together. If these people could take a pee in a public place together they’d sure as hell be holding hands on the john.

This couple has completely forgot the meaning of personal pace and every single person out there hates them for it.

 Annoying type couple number two!

The long distance lovers!

 This couple makes us very sad. They make us very happy. But a week after them reuniting they make us very nauseous. And we tend to feel like a really poopy person for getting irritated with them because they hardly ever see each other but their love is so strong it lasts and lasts and we feel really horrible about ourselves because no one is ever going to love us like that….

Whoo.. Sorry got a little carried away there.

So yes, they hardly ever see each other but someway that we cannot possibly phantom they make it work and we love/hate/resent/rejoice them for it.

 Annoying type couple number three!

The obnoxious couple!

 I personally hate this kind of couple. Individually they are awesome but together they try so very hard to prove that they are couple of the year, it’s disgusting.

They are always reminding you how much of an awesome couple they are, they always remind you that he/she is in an awesome coupled relationship and worst of all this person(s) is always trying to set you up with random friends because “you haven’t been happy unless you’ve been a couple so we need to save you from your complete and total unhappiness so you can be as happy as we are.”

You make me sick couple. Forshame!

 

 Annoying type couple number four!

The I can’t believe they haven’t killed each other yet couple!

 In my person opinion if you are part of this kind of couple then you should maybe reevaluate your goals in life. Being part of this kind of couple is self-destructing, manipulating, hurtful and just plain sucky.

This is a couple made out of two people who are so wrong for each other but so hard headed that they just don’t give a damn. They are always fighting, screaming, making it super uncomfortable for other people. They never allow the other their freedom but it works both ways. They are super possessive and sometimes borderline abusive. Being in a couple like this is very risky because even though you love the person very, very much they are hurting each other more then loving them

Annoying type couple number five!

The So cute I can barf couple!

Yea…

I really hate this couple.

They make it abundantly clear how freaking cute they are and it makes me sick. Sure I am super happy for them, and it makes my heart go all warm and tingly when they get warm and fuzzy but for heavens sake there must be something wrong with them, anything!

It is physically impossible to be that good together and I refuse to believe otherwise!

Annoying type couple number six!

The I’m surprised they aren’t pregnant yet.

These people get it on. A lot. A loooooooot. Every single chance they get to get busy they’d gladly take and it’s disgusting! Just stop it okay!

If I have to walk around one more corner and have a mini heart attack I am going to lose my shit. Seriously! Have you never heard of the term “get a freaking room?” one preferably with a key and that is completely sound proof?

Gah!

080121_couple_fight2

Types of annoying couple number seven!

The Facebook Fake Couple!

This kind of couple is equally as annoying as it is sad because they basically only live for their Facebook status.

Meaning on Facebook they are the most perfect most wonderfully amazing couple in the history of the world but as soon as you get with them in person it’s either a) they’re like brother and sister and they completely gross you out or b) they HATE eachother.

Talking behind their backs, pulling faces making fun and flirting with other people leaving you confused and a little scared.

This is not an ideal couple to be apart of.

shutterstock_135202802

So there you have it. All the super annoying yet super endearing types of couples. But seriously some of my best-best friends are in couples and I love that they are so happy with their partners. So don’t take this one too seriously.

Alright, stay weird people.

Types of: Single People!

There are many, many different types of single people out there. And seeing as I have been one of them for a while, I have decided to upset myself by writing a list of all the different types I know.

why-am-I-still-single

Yea…

 Single person Number one!

The Hugh Hefner:-

 This person rocks the single life like it ain’t no bodies business. They’re fun and energetic and people love to love them, however, they on the other hand don’t and won’t ever commit to a monogamous relationship. Ever. Like ever. At all. Nothing. Nope. Nada.

The being in a coupled thing, being an “us” or “we” instead of an “I” and “me” just doesn’t float their boat as it does other people. They’ve tried it before, sure, maybe they’d meet someone amazing who’d change their whole entire perspective about the world of being together but they found that it just doesn’t make them happy.

For them it’s not about sleeping around, wanting multiple partners or being an actual player but more of the fact that they hate being tied down. The idea of being tied to one person for the rest of their whole entire existence seems odd and scary and they just aren’t up for that.

 Single person number two!

The not so Single-Single person:-

 This person is always single, but also never really alone. They always seem to have some kind of romantic “companion” around and seem to enjoy all the perks of being in a relationship without actually committing to a relationship.

This is the kind of person that will get swept up in all of the romance, the dinners, the movies, the cuddles but as soon as they realize the other person is getting serious about them and where “this is heading” they take an emotional nose dive and back right the hell off like you just killed their dog and made their mother watch, they usually end up dumping the person with some lame excuse but then a few weeks maybe even days after, they start all over again with someone new.

 Single type person number three!

The Not-Available-At-This-Moment-Single person:-

ff_crop380w

 This person is honestly the worst, because they are the most amazing, charismatic, wonderful, attractive, sexy person(s) you’d ever have the pleasure of meeting…..

If…..

They weren’t busy working every single second of every single day.

It is physically impossible to drag this person away from their work. They would gladly sit for 6 hours straight on excel typing some sort spread sheet then being with someone they could possibly care if they had taken the time to actually build a lasting relationship with.

These are the types of single people who suddenly wake up when they’re 40 years old and realize that half of they’re lives are gone. Yeesh.

 Single type person number four!

The Oops-I-Did-It-Again Single Person;-

 This person is single. In a relationship. Single again. Nope wait, they’re back in the…. no…. yes they’re… no not anymo… wait they’re bac… no gone…

Well I’ll be damned…. make up your bloody mind!! Pick a person and stay with them already!!!

Single type person number five!

That Catharine Zeta-Jones Movie Where-She-Dates-a-Much-Younger-Guy-After-Finding-Her-Husband-Getting-a-Blowjob-By-Her-Best-Friend-On-Her-Birthday-Video.

 This is a newly single person after a rather long period of not being a single person. They truly and wholeheartedly believe that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Anyone else. As long as they have the genitalia they desire it is pretty much on

This is because they’d do anything to get the previous person out of their heads and hearts. Rebounding is very common amongst young people, particularly women who just got dumped. But they never end well because you didn’t really like the person… big mess.

Single type person number six!

The Forever Alone Meme Come to Life;-

ForeverAlone

We’ve all seen this meme right? It’s used as a joke amongst the youngens to joke about them not finding the right person but there are some people out there who truly believe they will be alone forever.

This is usually due to a horrific break up and the other person mentally not being able to get over that person. Even if they do actually meet someone they are so caught up on their ex that everything is compared back to him/her. And who really wants to compete with an ex who has moved on probably ten fold by now?

Single type person number seven!

The What is wrong with me why am I always alone Single type person:-

Lesbi-honest, we’ve all been this single person at least once in our dating lives. Being this person sucks big time because no matter who you are, what you do or how good of a person you are… you hate yourself for being alone. You get to that point where you literally start to believe that you do not deserve love.

This could be because you’d been hurt in almost every relationship you’d ever had or you’ve been told by someone you care about that you’re worthless. Being this type on single person is someone we all experience because we all have insecurities that sometimes get the best of us.

It’s what you do with those feelings after that really define you as a person.

So there you have it! A couple of the different types of single people out there!

Stay weird people.