Everyone always dreams of becoming a super hero, right?

You know, one day you wake up with some ridiculously awesome superpowers. Sometimes, there’s an accident that occurs for these powers to be brought out of you and other times people are born with them only to discover them later in life.

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Well, as I’ve (against my will) grown into an adult I’ve realized that damn… I must be one of those people born with powers and just didn’t know it because everybody else sure as hell does.

So, of course I’ve made a list of the powers people seem to believe that I have that I had no idea I had in the first place!

Unknown Super Power Number 1:

The ability to see through walls. It seems as though people always just expects me to know where they are at all times even if I am not in the same room with them. They believe this so much so that if I cannot automatically detect where they are they get angry at me. Like “How dare you now know where I am even if I didn’t think to tell you, you’re supposed to know!”

Let me just clarify that my eyesight might be super amazing, but it is not THAT amazing so if you expect me to know where you are then use your words, kay buddy?

Unknown Super Power Number 2:

It seems I have the ability to make people talk. All the time. It’s like I’m the human form of some kind of talking sensitizer and once people lock on me it’s just blah blah blah blah.

Don’t get me wrong, I love talking to people,  It’s amazing the types of conversations I sometimes have with people but for the love of all that is good and pure in this world why…. why… why… why… would you randomly feel the need to tell me about your horrible period this month? Or the fact that you haven’t had a solid poop in 5 days.

I don’t need to know this information so PLEASE STOP.

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Unknown Super Power Number 3:

Now, I’m not sure if this one counts as a super power more than I believe this was me in a previous life and it is following me to this new life.

Because, heaven forbid, the moment I say anything. ANYTHING. People automatically believe they are in a debate team and I am their fabulous podium and it is time to speech it up. For example:

Me: “This cheese is really good.”

Them: “You know, the thing about cheese is in 1546 the prime chief of the clan of …… (continues for six straight hours)”

Me: (Breathes deeply)

This happens every. single. time.

Unknown Super Power Number 4:

My life is the Fantastic Four and I am the thing. You see apparently people think that I am made out of stone because, hurting my feelings, disappointing me or making me feel bad is not a big deal at all. You see I am the type of person that just takes it, no matter how much it hurts, I take it and I deal with it until I’m alone and then I go cry in the shower until I get over it.

And because I am not the type to say anything about the situation people have automatically decided: “Meh, we don’t have to give a shit about her, she’s cool, she’ll understand. We can just give a halfhearted apology or something and then it’ll be fine. Whatever.”

I can tell you know that that is not true. If you cut me I bleed like everybody else, okay! Okay.

Unknown Super Power Number: 5

Now, I’m not sure if this is just my face or if people actually have this assumption about me but apparently I am Miss Explain Yourself Girl!!

Because explaining something once is never enough, you have to go and explain it to me 63585 23549 232358 66996 2 times like an idiot for you to happily believe that I will understand what you are saying.

Really?

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So, here are a few examples of super powers I do know I have

Known Super Power Number 1:

So this one I actually do know that I posses and it is The Super Fabulous Incredibly Talented Procrastinator Girl!!

‘Cause let me tell you, I can procrastinate like a boss. I hate being productive, I have so much work that I’d rather just find so many other things to do instead of work. I guess many people who are lazy can relate with me on this one, ey?

Known Super Power Number 2:

Have you ever heard of the saying “No shit, Captain Obvious?”

Yea, I’m kind of the living embodiment of that saying because I have this stupid ability to always, ALWAYS, state out the obvious in any given situation. Especially if I am feeling awkward or need to lie to be polite.

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For example. see a woman with a baby:

Person: “So, here is my new born baby! Isn’t she beautiful!!”

Me: “Wow, that there, is a child in your arms. A human child, a female human child, that you grew in your belly. For nine months. Growing and changing. Wow. Biology.”

What can I say, personally kids remind me of big hairless spitting and pooping monsters which should be avoided up until the time they are able to detect and appreciate awesomeness, then we can be friends.

Or perhaps the weather. (Storms outside.) “Wow, it sure is raining.”

They know, Claudia, they know.

Known Super Power Number 3:

Another one of my super power names are Super Anxiety Girl!

Because I get freaked out and anxious over pretty much everything!

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Perfection, is what I strive for.

Not perfection, is what I get.

Sigh

SOOOOO there you have it! Thanks so much for reading the weirdness of the inner workings of my bored mind!

On a side note, I have started my very own YouTube Channel where I go a little bit deeper into the blogs that I write. I am having so much fun doing it and it is such an amazing experience for myself and I really hope that you will take a moment to go watch the couple of videos that I have already put on.

Please be sure to subscribe because I will be making regular videos and just think about it, once you watch the videos you can actually hear me talk and over exaggerate whilst reading my blog in the future!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v+ofTumCvwmkl  For Have You Been Friendzoned

and

http://youtu.be/7Pn9htx6ZbU  for Types of Single People

Alright,

Stay weird people.

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This One Is For The Boys

Earlier today, I read something on my Facebook page that really sort of pissed me off.  

 It was a picture that was innocently shared by a girl who agreed with the sentiment that said “I’d rather be dating a guy covered in dirt and grease than a guy dressed in a suit and tie”.

 

This kind of got me to thinking how everyone is always going on and on about how society has these impossible standards of beauty for women, and how unfair society is to women and how women need better this and more of that and people should stop doing this to women.

 

But…

 

I ask you, what about the men?

 

In today’s day it is no longer acceptable to judge a woman based on her weight, because “curvy is beautiful too” or “real women have curves” but if a guy is not sporting a six pack, or have a strong square jaw or big bulging muscles then he is “just a friend” or even gross.

 

Women have become experts on hiding their true selves with make up, clothing and diets while men still basically stay the same. And they get brutally judged for it.

   

Posting pics of crazy hot firemen, “real men have beards” and either hunky farmers or dashing business men and portray them as “real men” is exactly the same as saying “real women” have big boobs, small bodies and are all a size 6. What’s  worse is that its the women who posts these pictures, not the men.

 

Unlike women, men don’t worry about those kinds of things. They are too busy working their asses off so that they can afford to buy you flowers, or jewellery, or pay for a house and children etc etc etc. and yes, most women now a days are capable of doing those things themselves, but that’s only if they live in places that are able to offer jobs that can support a woman like that, but for normal women with normal jobs that don’t have those kinds of opportunities it does ultimately fall upon the men to take care of them.

 

So I ask you, what does dirt and grease or a suit and tie have to do with the man you are seeing? 

  

 We should rather be thinking about character, moral and spiritual values, his emotional maturity for the kind of relationship that you desire, his ability to be a man, to protect you, care for you and stand by you as an equal partner rather than his looks or whether he has a gigantic shlonge.

 

Come on ladies, we are so loud and proud about women being treated as equals, not being judged for our appearances and being able to be ourselves, why aren’t men allotted this right?

 

I am so sick of hearing that “You know, if he isn’t six feet tall, dark hair, blue eyes and a millionaire he just shouldn’t talk to me”

 

Take a real good look in the mirror and ask yourself, if a six foot tall, millionaire Adonis really came over your path are YOU the type of woman that HE would be attracted to? Or is there a much better option available to his type of standard? 

 

Really?

 

Every girl/woman is always going on and on about how they wish to meet a sweet and kind, caring, attentive man that can take care of them but then they end up dating assholes who only use and hurt them but they friendzone the really sweet guys.

   

Why?

 

Because the assholes are super hot, that’s why.

 

Maybe if we put the hand-mirrors down for a change, stop changing our Facebook Profile Pictures so much and actually try to meet someone decent instead of superly dooperly sexy then maybe it is actually possible to have and maintain a lasting relationship.

 

This probably won’t agree with many people, but it’s the hard truth and somebody has to say it! If women want to be treated better and equally, then I think men do too 

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Sorry, not sorry 😉

 

Stay Weird people