Dem feels Doe

So, for the select few people who actually takes the time to read my blog, I first need to add a little disclaimer. This is not going to be some funny blog about random nonsense.

You see, as it turns out, I actually am a human being. Shocking I know, and sometimes – because I have a beating heart – certain things tend to bother me. Because, writing is my safe haven and the only place where I can fully get in touch with what I am feeling I am going to, from time to time, get a little deep.

Now, don’t be scared, I know we all have issues when it comes to them feels but just hear me out.

So last night I watched the season finale of Bachelor in Paradise (season 2). And don’t you roll your eyes at me, we are ALL allotted our guilty pleasures and this is mine, okay?

Anyway, two of the front runner couples were Tanner and Jade, and Kirk and Carly. I knew that Tanner and Jade were meant to be, because come on they’re just perfect! but Kirk and Carly turned out to be a whole other story.

Kirk and Carly became a couple from the first week, they were always together, always laughing and seemed to be falling in love at a steady pace. Kirk did have some reservations about how fast they were going but he quickly came over them when he realized she is an amazing person and that they were just perfect for one another. So problem solved, right?


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A week before the final rose Kirk suddenly changed his mind. Suddenly, after having conversations about life after paradise, about moving in together and even marriage, he couldn’t see their relationship going anywhere outside of paradise. Which in all fairness is fine, if your feelings change then there’s nothing to be done about it – it happens to the best of us – but then you don’t lead her on. You don’t continue as if nothing is wrong and then just BOOM! I don’t wanna be with you anymore.

That is just in layman’s terms being a horrible human being. You do not play with someone’s emotions like that and then get offended when they criticize your character. You are, by default, than an asshole scumbag douche-sickle which kind of makes me want to shove your balls through a meat grinder.

As he began his break up speech I saw her face and you could see she had no idea. But when she finally understood what it was that he was doing, you could see her whole world shattering.


Yea yea yea, I do know some people believe that it’s all acting but dagnabbit then it was some good fucking acting, OKAY! So shut it.

Anyway, when I saw her face, I was just hit with like this huge fist of let say a good I don’t know, 7 years worth of my own heart break and tears and disappointments.

And let me tell you, it was not pretty. I cried right along with Carly, I knew that hurt and disappointment as if it was my own and I felt for her. Because we’ve all been there, men and women alike. At some point we’ve all been hurt.

Being lead to believe that… you’re special for this person, that… they want you… it’s the most amazing feeling ever, because when we open ourselves and our hearts to the possibility of love we do it fully and wholly.

There is no in between for us.


Unless, of course, you’re not looking for love but that’s beside the point.

So, if we do end up trusting you and opening up to you and you end up “changing your mind” without ever warning us, it hurts like a SOB.

We are not crying because we want attention. We are not crying because “we are women” we are crying because we have just been told – after we gave our whole and complete self to someone – that that was not good enough.

I’d like for people to watch that scene in The Bachelor in Paradise S02E12 where Kirk broke up with Carly. Not the best footage but you’ll get the point

And then maybe think about the girl or guy you are knowingly leading on.

Is that the kind of person you want to be?

So I realize that this got a little heavy and if you did make it to the finish then I really hope that this post in some way helped you, if it’s by helping you understand that you are hurting someone or help you understand that pain is pain and we all go through it. It will get better.

I have been hurt many, many times in my life, not just by love interests but by family and friends and somehow it managed to turn out okay. The little family I have left is so amazing and I am so thankful for them, the guy that I have been seeing has been so good to me and has even made me feel a little hopeful about love again (which is seriously amazing) and the one true love of my life my doggie Flynn as given me the most amazing sence of love that I will never be able to explain.

So even though we go through pain and disappointment and hurt it can turn out to be a good thing because in the end it brings you to something so much better.

Thanks for letting me vent some of my feels onto your internet selves.

Stay weird people.


What Disney Movies Taught Me

So, because I am a child at heart I love watching Disney movies when I’m sad, or scared or bored, or just generally I watch them all.the.time . Like, I’d marathon that ish until I am good and stupid and feeling a little bit innocent again.

It helps a lot when adulting get’s too much.

Which is all the time, btw.

So that is what I did, and I’ll be honest it’s been a while since I actually took the time to sit/lay/hibernate down and enjoy these movies and let me just tell you, they are not at all what I remembered.

So my brain started thinking about what these movies really taught me and well: list.

What I learned from the Lion King.

The Lion King taught me thdownloadat being a selfish ungrateful brat is okay. As long as you remember where you came from… one day… eventually… and even though you haven’t worked a single day in your whole entire life, it will all end happily as soon as one of your parents (whoever is more financially stable that is) dies in a horrific accident. Then you’ll just inherit a bunch of money and land and servents and boom! Set for life.

The Lion King also taught me that whenever I mess up, like big time, the best and most rational solution to that problem is just to run away and avoid the mess you made. Let someone else deal with that business, you know.

What I learned from Toy Story

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Toy Story taught me to always accept and acknowledge my bad side, i.e. when I’m feeling super jealous of someone I just met, I shouldn’t try to work through it or get to know them in any way, shape or form. I should rather just let that jealousy spew my up in my hate fire which ultimately leadd me to plot this person’s demise.

Toy Story also taught me that if I really truly don’t like this person I should just throw their ass out the window and hope no one saw. If someone did see, I should pretend it was an accident and try to save the day. But deep down inside I hope they get kidnapped by a psychopath who wants to blow their faces off with fireworks.

It also taught me that my toys may be possessed by demons that brings them to life when I’m not around.

What I learned from Finding Nemo

Finding Nemo taught me that if one of my parents is a little over protective, because I don’t know – they witnessed the mass murder of my other parent and several hundred other siblings!!! I should just turn into a little brat and deliberately disobey and put myself into harms way, just to prove a point that I know better then him, download (2)even though I’m basically a toddler and don’t know diddly squat about the world BECAUSE my irritating overbearing, parent protected me from all the bad the world has to offer.

Finding Nemo also taught me that I shouldn’t be  worried if strange monsters-like creatures kidnap and take me hundreds maybe even thousands of miles away from said overbearing parent who – by the way warned me against such dangers – because they won’t actually hurt me, kill me or even sell me into the child sex slave world. No-no, they’ll take me to a super nice place that is not life threatening and they’ll put me with sweet and loving people that will ultimately protect and help me to escape the nice place to go back to said over protective parent.


What I learned from The Jungle Book

The Jungle Book taught me that it is safe for a child to wander alone in wherever the hell it is that he was – “the jungle” and that as long as you have a cute name and hair-do you can befriend a wild ass fucking bear and you won’t have to be scared of it mauling you to death because it will just love you and have you float on its belly and sing you songs.

Other then that to be truthfully honest I don’t remember much more of that movie because I never really liked it all that much. You’ve got the boy. The bear. The Panther who’s just kinda there when they needed some muscle. The monkey’s and that pervy-ass tiger who got waaaaay too sexual about eating the boy, if ya know what I’m saying.

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What I learned from 101 Dalmatians


101 Dalmatians taught me that when it comes to fashion some chicks are REALLY willing to go the distance.

101 Dalmatians also taught me that it is perfectly possible for a newly wed couple to support, feed, groom, care for and provide everything – physical and emotional – to one hundred and one freaking Dalmatians. That right there, is the reason I forced my poor single mother to buy me all the animals ever single frigging time I saw a pet store. No matter how many I already had, because if Anita and Roger can do it then I can too dammit!

What I learned from Fantasia


Fantasia taught me that the human mind is capable of many, many, MANY things when it is high AF.

What I learned from Lady and The Tramp

Lady and the Tramp taught me that if my parents piss me off I should just run away from home and start dating some homeless person who is way beneath my league and a little scary. That’ll give them the finger!


Lady and the Tramp also taught me that poor people who live on the street are actually super hot, super smart and live extremely exciting and not poverty filled lives at all.

It also taught me that it is perfectly safe for a rich naive girl with no street smarts to trust a street hustler and let him lead her down a dark ally and into junkyards.

What I learned from Oliver and Company

Oliver and Company taught me that life is super hard when you are an orphan and instead of working hard and trying to better yourself as a person ,you should just join a gang of criminals because that is all you will ever be good for, even though you are really smart and have so much potential it don’t mean Jack Squat. And besides, they are such good descent people who wouldn’t want to be like them?


Oliver and Company also taught me that when you do finally find a forever home after a life of crime you shouldn’t tell your new family anything at all, even after they’ve been threatened by the cool  criminals you used to hang out with. Because being a rich kid is too big of a deal to squander on the possibility of losing everything and going back to the streets even though that means they could be in grave danger.

So there you have it, just a few life lessons I learned from watching Disney movies. I haven’t even touched the princesses and princes yet so there will definitely be a part 2 and 3 in the works!

Stay weird people!